V-Gram 46

July 22, 1997

Beware the Ides of July

Amidst alarmingly low ratings of Susan Molinari's forthcoming network debut, a desperate CBS spread rumors of a coup d'etat staged by House Republicans, featuring husband-of-the-star Bill Paxon. The news item interrupted a peaceful discussion by younger House members who were meeting on a grassy knoll, getting ready to dispatch a message of concern to Speaker Newt Gingrich.

Ms. Molinari's ratings are sagging despite repeated assurances that, once on the air, she will read and re-read the text of her 1996 keynote address, first heard in San Diego at the Republican National Convention. Mr. Paxon, who -- during the same keynote address -- came within inches of nursing their baby on national television, is still in the process of figuring a way to deal with an Armey of elected Republican leaders in the House.

Meanwhile, in the White House, President Bill Clinton decided the going was so good, he could afford himself a night in the Lincoln bedroom. He turned down offers from Dick Morris to be waited upon hand and foot and took, instead, a volume of Honest Abe's speeches from the shelf. As if by itself, the old book opened where "A House Divided" happened to occupy the page. For once, our Commander-in-Chief sank into the grip of Morpheus with a broad smile...